Why Do I Always Have To Be The Bigger Person?

Many times in life everyone is tested with difficult situations involving difficult people and how we respond impacts our lives instantly and can be lasting. There are moments you will advocate for yourself in the loudest voice possible and there are other times you will need to choose to be the bigger person and move beyond the moment.

You are not required to rise above every moment every time and be the bigger person. Being the bigger person is not something done out of obligation but rather to free yourself of participating in negative behavior.

Finding the right balance to identify when it’s appropriate to rise above the negativity and soar to higher heights can be difficult but isn’t impossible. Learning how and when to engage in difficult moments is an essential life skill. 

What does it mean?

Choosing to be the bigger person is not a comparison of the other individual, but instead focused on your choice at that moment. It’s when you decided that continuing to live in that negative moment is no longer beneficial to your progress.

Being the bigger person includes not allowing your anger to consume you but instead accepting the reality of the situation. Truth and honesty with yourself allows you to identify a path forward that is truly beneficial.

We are all better than the challenges that we face and during moments of adversity is when we were able to prove we are who we think we are. When you make the decision to be faithful to yourself and refuse to participate in behavior that is beneath you, you win.

Why me?

It takes less energy to be the individual that makes a decision to not participate in things that don’t lead to good personal growth versus continuing to nurture the negative. You’re not choosing to be the bigger person out of obligation, you’re doing it for your own personal health and wellness.

You could take the time to entertain every negative thought and interaction that comes into your space or you could make a conscious decision to choose to devote your time and energy to things that are good for you. It’s not selfish nor is it one-track minded. It is essential for your happiness.

Choosing to be the bigger person also allows you to let go and move on to other productive things. Resentment is one of those emotions that the more you feel it the more it affects you than the other person.

Your happiness can never be created or sustained from a place of resentment and anger. Use the time you would have devoted to hanging on to that negative interaction or motion and instead work on some personal or professional growth that will improve the overall life condition.

Time is something that once it is used you can never get it again so make these moments matter. Don’t allow negative people and negative things to steal your time.

Taking control and power of your life includes when you choose not to participate in negative interactions. The ultimate control is when you have said no I will not allow anything that doesn’t lead to my happiness or my personal growth and positive mindset be removed.

You do not have to choose to continue to participate in bad behavior out of obligation to someone else. Your first obligation is to yourself.

When should you be the bigger person

Situations that might cause you to act in ways that you don’t desire or don’t support who you really are, are the perfect opportunities to practice being the bigger person. It’s during these moments of adversity that all of the principles that we told ourselves that we possess are truly tested.

If you’re interacting with someone and every time you come in contact it leaves you feeling deflated or zapped of energy, you should reconsider if future interactions are worth your time.

No matter who this individual may be, remember the only obligation you have is to yourself first. Make a choice to protect your happiness and your peace of mind by choosing which situations you will initiate and sustain that promote your happiness and overall good well-being.

When you should not be the bigger person

You’re under no obligation to be the bigger person all the time. There are moments when you should speak up and be very clear about your expectations and advocate for yourself unfiltered. There are other times the effort to defend your position causes more harm than removing yourself from the discussion.

When it becomes too much of a chore to continue an interaction, it is time to move beyond that moment. This doesn’t mean you have to ignore repeated bad behavior from individuals, it means that you choose when you will participate in responding to that behavior.

How we feel about ourselves and our lives is a collection of moments that happen over time. Your perception of your life can be swayed and impacted by those that you interact with daily.

You don’t always have to remain silent, walk away, or even choose to act like an individual with bad energy doesn’t exist. You can make a choice to speak up and be heard. Just note that before you do, you have an understanding of the time that will be used for that response and if it is worth the effort.

Choose to be the bigger person when you know at that moment you see yourself as bigger and better than the challenge that’s right before you. You made a decision that you don’t have to hold onto a moment that is beneath you just to prove your point.

You don’t always have to be the bigger person but you should always aim to free yourself of the burden of sustaining negative interactions and relationships out of obligation. You deserve more.